Season 2013 Review Part 3: A Walk Down (Painful) Memory Lane + Offseason News

 One day we will all look back at 2013 and laugh. But if any of you are laughing now, then please do it silently. It still hurts.

But here is 3 more points for you to chew over. I'm hungry...


6. Biggest Improver?

Chris Masten is always a popular pick for this pre-season honour. But he's no longer the pariah that he once was, though not a star and I'm not sure whether he will get much better. In fact this is a rather difficult selection to make, as there's no one player of superb talent who hasn't already realised his potential (well, despite NicNat but I've already dissed him so there's no going back). I'm going with Kennedy on the basis that his 2012 season was fairly horrendous. Yes, it was mainly injury-related but when he did play it wasn't pretty and he seemed to operate as more of a decoy than a real threat. If he stays fit there's no reason why he won't return to his rightful place as our prime forward threat.


Right again! JJK returned with full honours to his position as our number 1 forward threat. As those in the East relentlessly focussed on his admittedly bizarre (and getting more bizarre?) goal kicking run-up, Kennedy continued to kick goal after goal. Unfortunately, his run-up really does mean he does not receive the plaudits he deserved. As those around him struggled, JJK maintained a rare sense of poise sorely missed throughout the rest of the team. The Coleman may have alluded him, but I'm sure he'll get that in 2014.

5. One Game you won't want to miss...

Our fixture is full of big matches against good teams, rivals and cheats^* (hint: see the ____ fly up!). But for me it's Round 22, a Friday night blockbuster against the Bogan Empire in Collingwood. This match is part of an absolutely brutal final month of matches including away to Essendon and home against the Cats and Crows. But this game is full of meaning. There's something special about beating the bloody annoying Pies, their bloody annoying fans and bloody annoying President. Especially after last year's superb effort in the corresponding fixture and the disappointing semi-final loss. There will be passion in this one plus a vital 4 points which again may influence who finishes top 4.

...That Round 22 game was one of the worst I've ever witnessed. It led me to write the following:

To summarise, in a game in which Priddis celebrated his 150th,  a man who since 2007 has more tackles than anyone else, the Eagles showed a distinct lack of pride, effort or skill.

Dark times lay ahead.

On a positive note, Glass did go nuts and try to murder an annoying Collingwood rookie. I believe it was one of our lowest scores ever.

So what was the most unmissable game? I think the two matches against Essendon had everything you want in a game of football. There was passion, excitement, fear, loathing, depression, elation. I attended the match-up in Perth and it had an atmosphere like nothing I had experienced before. Of course, it was the infamous boo-gate game, in which Jobe Watson endured the wrath of a fanbase rather peeved about his early week admission and consequent participation in the match. Of course, we blew that game. It made me sick. But it was an unforgettable.

Revenge, however, was sweet in the corresponding fixture at Etihad. After a seesaw game throughout the first half, the Eagles kicked away in the second, led by a courageous (and winged) Lecras. The players were happy, we were happy, the Dons were devastated. Besides the fact that Eddie was commentating, it was a perfect day.


4.  Oh Gee, Wow-ee, Did you see that!?

Yes, Brian Taylor will be of extreme annoyance this season. There will be talk of 'benders' and references to Mandurah, the Mining Tax and how great a player he was. But this prediction relates to the fact that I've run out of actual predictions and thought I'd make fun of this guy for a bit. So yeah, he'll be a pain the ass, but at least he's not Wallsy.

 The Saturday night commentary team in general is rather...erm how do I say this..."shit". Though generally it's "shit" in a manner which makes me laugh. Especially when the other two clowns start picking on the ultimate jester Richo. On the other hand, they kept lauding the Bombers and how well they were playing despite the ASADA investigation. Really guys?! If a man shoots himself in the foot and then goes about his business by hopping around do you say "What great spirit"? No, you laugh at him, because he was foolish and shot himself in the foot.

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Only 3 to recaps to go now!

Then I have to start writing predictions for this year. It never ends.
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 In other news:

- Nic Nat and Wellingham may be set for Round 1.
- Waters not so much.
- (Bullet-proof) Glass has retained the captaincy for a 7th consecutive season. Was there ever any doubt?
- Other members of the 'Leadership Group'; Priddis, Cox, Selwood, Kennedy
- I saw David Wirrpanda at the Merrywell on Saturday night. He looks in good shape....what? This is news!

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As you can see, I have temporarily replaced the 'Dockers without a Premiership' counter for a 'Countdown until Round 1' counter.

52 days to go! Get excited!

Season 2013 Review Part 2: If Loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right

I'm not exactly certain what I mean by that title. Maybe that I will always love the Eagles no matter how much pain they bring me. Sometimes I think how strange it is to 'love' a sporting team. What do we really love? It's not the players, they come and go. It's not the coaches, the board or the ground. Is it the jumper, or do we just love being part of something together with like-minded crazies, part of a movement with history, passion and belief...

Apologies, I think the heat is getting to me.

On to the review...

10. Leading Goalkicker

This is a difficult one. You would think that there are three bona-fide potential leaders here in Kennedy, Lecras and Darling. Looking back upon the last few years, due to injuries, form and other factors no one player has locked down the ‘No.1 goal kicker’ position.

2012	Jack Darling	53
2011	Josh Kennedy	59
2010	Mark Lecras	63
2009	Mark Lecras	58
2008	Ben Mckinley	42
2007	Quinten ‘Magpie’ Lynch	52

 source: AFL Stats

In fact, that’s probably become one of the strengths of the team over the last couple of seasons. We have a strong array of options, making it difficult for opposing teams to focus on just one key guy. That strength was, of course, tested last season with the long-term injuries to stars Lecras and Kennedy, but others, notably Hams and Hill, stepped up and filled the void nicely. This year I also suspect we will see a nice spread of goals, with Lecras with 51 stealing the show. I’m a little worried about Kennedy’s propensity for injury, while I assume (my) Darling’s tally will come down a little with the return of the two guns.

This race was never close. Despite a midfield that from memory was being beaten on a regular basis, Swift-ing the ball into the forward line at every possible opportunity, JK flourished. For much of the season he looked like good money (gamble responsibly) for the  Coleman. Unfortunately, he fell away, as the team well and truly imploded with 3 of our worst losses in our history to end the season. Roughead topped the list. I was at the Eagles-Hawks game, where one rather surly Eagles supporter audibly noted: "Roughead, the way you play football is as ugly as your face". Harsh but hilarious.

Darling was very good, though  I seem to recall perhaps a slightly underwhelming return during some games. Lecras managed only 15 games. Remember when he was the most accurate kick for a goal in the competition? Those were the days. He kicked 30.27 in 2013, including returns of 0.3 against Port Adelaide (still haunts me), 1.4 against North and 1.3 against Adelaide. However, his last game of the season (that feel-good thrashing of the Don-Cheats) was brilliant, where he ended with 5.2...and I seem to recall he did it with a cracked rib or something.

On another note, Ashtom Hams retired.

9. Worst style decision- the Beard or the Pony?

 I’m feeling a little nostalgic about Dr Swift right about now...Anyway, in my mind; nothing surpasses the sheer absurdity of Schofield’s beard. Wellingham made a wrong choice to tie his hair like a horse. But with Schofield, it’s a long-term plan to grow, cultivate and promote the mass of hair spouting from his chin. I predict that by Round 3 a group of restless fans will band together and form a campaign to rid our side of the beard’s tormenting spirit. They’ll write a letter and it will go a little something like this...
  
Dear Mr Schofield,
It has come to our attention, loyal Eagles fans and fashion aficionados, that you’re beard is in such a state of disrepair, owing to either your negligence or some misguided sense of style, that it is causing us great emotional anguish. There has even been rumours, unsubstantiated mind you, that members will boycott home games, in order to avoid any potential danger from the undoubtedly numerous crawling critters and rambunctious rodents inhabiting your face. We also have concerns over the effect the beard is having on your level of play. There have been multiple instances, with your head over the ball, of you being pulled down by the weight of the thing.
 
We have sent you a complimentary set of sheep sheers. Please do what is right and necessary.

I'm not going to harp on this prediction, because quite frankly it is ridiculous. On the other hand, the trend towards the Ned Kelly look annoys me greatly. It's all fine and dandy to look like you are a hermit living in the alps, but when you're getting thrashed every other week it doesn't feel right. Masten, you sir, looked horrendous. Plus, does anyone else think that those big beards slow down players. It's simply not aerodynamic! I was also preturbed by Sharrod Wellingham wearing designer sunglasses when he was sitting in the coaches box convalescing from his (self-inflicted) ankle injury. But who cares really? It only irritated me because we were losing.

8. Biggest Disappointment...

NicNat had a good season in 2012. It wasn't an All-Australian calibre season in any respect, except in the respect that he actually was All-Australian. Dearth of ruck talent perhaps? Too much emphasis placed on the amazing, tantalising and irresistible flashes by the big man? Maybe. Regardless, we expect him to continue to improve as a player and develop more consistency both within games and across the season. But, I'm not sure that will happen this season. The fact is that NicNat has already missed time with injury and unless you're Dean Cox, injuries seem to have a lasting impact on big men. In fact he's already been ruled out of the Derby in Round 1. Plus, I think people may have a view of him as an 'elite ruckman' which doesn't reflect reality (just yet). I hope I'm wrong of course.

I disagree with myself here. Yes, I am such a contrarian I often take umbridge with my own opinions. It's a difficult and time-consuming way to live I assure you.

I think I was being too harsh on NicNat's 2012 efforts. Upon reflection he was very good, his impact on games is often decisive even if it's not uniform across games. Unfortunately, I was proved right about his 2013 season. He never fully recovered from his injuries. He did, however, provide some highlights in a season bereft of them; the standing ovation he recieved upon his return against the Dogs, his game winning goal against the Roos and at least 1 incredible goal against Hawthorn.

Was he the biggest disappointment? Impossible to tell. There was so many; Wellingham, Lecras, the invisible Gaff...the list goes on. The team was a big disappointment, let's leave it at that.

7. Number of Times Worsfold will display human emotion....

I say this with all due respect,  as I literally own his shirt, but let's be honest he is an android right? Still when we win the Premiership by 73 points I expect to see at least a form of smile emerge

....um...erm...this is awkward. I don't know what to write here. One of the problems that I perceived throughout the season was Worsfold's lack of enthusiasm for the job. Of course, I'm not privy to inner-sanctum discussions, meetings etc. but at different times he appeared tired, disinterested and depressed. Although he has never been a big fan of press conferences, his meetings with the 'journos' this year took on a whole new level of antagonism.

It will be interesting to see what kind of coach Simpson is; placid like Worsfold (usually was) or more akin to the crazy, jerk-faced, irate, pain-in-the-ass, wall punching, child umpire abusing Clarkson.

Stay tuned for more reviewing in the coming week...and remember...

70 DAYS UNTIL ROUND 1!!!

Poll Results: Readers Wanted Ben Cousins as New Eagles Coach; Blogger Regrets Making him an Option

A Whopping 41% of blog readers, from an overwhelming large response of...erm...12, wanted Ben Cousins to be coach. I imagine they were joking. I know I was when I voted for him.

Nic Nat didn't get a look in, which will surely make his summer a time for reflection and soul searching.

On a serious note though, I did sense some sympathy/disappointment for Sumich, who continues to be overlooked as a coaching candidate. I wasn't one of them. As I referred to in this post, he was a bit of a jerk to me when I met him. Surely, that should have precluded him from the outset right?

I will shortly post a new poll, which will ask what is a satisfactory result in terms of ladder position for season 2014.

Season 2013 Review Part 1: Hey, at least we're not Bombers fans.

 Happy New Year! Too late?

 No, I think I'm fine.

 I probably should have written and posted these months ago, but the season left a bitter taste in my mouth; a bitter, poisonous taste. 

Whether a review is necessary is questionable. I could simply write it was 'shit' and leave it at that. But that doesn't satisfy my desire for an unduly verbose examination of our 2013 season.

The most efficient method of writing the review is to follow up my 13 fairly inaccurate predictions from the beginning of last year. There will be 3 instalments.

But before that, if I had to summarise season 2013 in one paragraph it would be this:

The Eagles started as equal premiership favourites. We had bolstered our midfield options during the off-season, our young guns were entering their prime and our back and forward lines looked like the prime of the competition. Then the games began. We were struck by injuries and an indefensible lack of desire to win. The coach looked spent. We lost games by big margins. We couldn't win at home. We were embarrassed nearly every second week. The fans became restless. We couldn't make the top 9. Stars retired. The coach resigned. But it could have been worse: we could all be Essendon supporters.

*Exhales*.

Now here are my first 3 predictions from the beginning of last year and an explanation of what really happened.

13. The Best new recruit will be...

Not including draft picks, as I couldn’t pretend to know anything about them, there are many established new additions to choose from. Two Melbourne drop-outs in Bennell and Cale Morton, Saints youngster Jamie Cripps and the more high profile Sharrod Wellingham. They’re all potentially handy acquisitions, but you can’t go past Wellingham. He was recruited to add some steel (nearly typed steele there, damn you Sidebottom!) (premiership) experience and depth to a rather limited midfield. Trampolines and pony tails aside, once all settles down, there’s no reason to suggest he won’t do just that. Of course, as an established AFL midfielder the pressure is on him to perform at a high level once he returns. There’s no such pressure on Morton (early season nickname suggestion: Mor(e)ton Bay Fig?), Bennell and Cripps who are all low-risk, high reward recruits. 

Ha. 

It's a nigh impossible task to identify a 'best new recruit'. Cale Morton played a couple of games and was delisted at the end of the season. I continue to read positive things about Jamie Bennell but he did not play a game in 2013. He has, however, been elevated off the rookie list for next season. An enticing prospect perhaps?

The great hope Wellingham, a potential X-Factor, failed to realise his promise mainly due to injury. The fact that his initial ankle complaint was as a result of trampolining accident didn't exactly ingratiate himself to the fans. Or to me at least. However, he did have two exemplary games against the Dogs and Dons late in the season. He just needs to find his fitness, maintain his form and reject stupid haircuts and he'll be alright.

But I think Jamie Cripps was the most consistent of the recruits. I don't think he had a stellar season, far from it. But he did a job on a weekly basis and that's more than can be said for many an Eagle.

12. We’ll miss you...

I prefer to look forward than back (that’s a lie) and I don’t bear any ill feelings towards departed Eagles (massive lie), but we did lose a few players in the off-season; Lynch, Stevens, Stevenson and Swift, M.D.  Honestly, out of all of these I’ll personally miss Tom Swift the most. With his erratic kicking, weird deer like running style and bizarre hairstyles, he reminded me of a lot of myself.  Plus, he was such a polarising figure amongst fans that it was always fun blogging about him. More to the point though, in terms of actual ‘football’ I think we’ll miss no-one. Stevens and Stevenson are guys who never fulfilled their alleged potential. Lynch meanwhile was a player who clearly had reached a point where he was a cusp member of the team and he was unwilling to fight for his position. I’m grateful that he helped us win the 06 flag, but he’s past his best and now we’re past him.

It often felt that Tom Swift, M.D or his spirit at least never left the Eagles. Erratic kicking, weird deer like running style and (to a lesser extent) bizarre hairstyles were plentiful throughout the season. But really, I didn't miss him because there was so much more to complain about. With the losses and all. As predicted none of the other guys were missed. Some might argue Koby Stevens could have played a role, but he's not exactly a game changer. Lynch did something weird to his hand at Collingwood. I really don't want to know what Eddie and Q were up to when that happened....

In conclusion, no one was missed, but the goals were missed...on a painfully frequent basis.

11. Best Old Man...

Old in the football sense, that is. Glass, Kerr, Cox, Embley and Adam Selwood are all battle-hardened veterans, but whereas the latter two seemed to struggle a little last season (injury and form), the first 3 flourished. The Kerr-surgence was particularly heart-warming after a few very dismal years of snaps, both of muscles and brain. But I think Glass will be the best old man as he’s still the glue holding our defence together, our leader and captain. The early Cox injury is a little disconcerting, but he has shown an amazing ability to play through injuries. I love that guy. Infact, I love all these guys, Selwood not withstanding (sorry Selly). At least I'm over the Embley toe poke, nearly definitely.

I think Glass was definitely the best old man of 2013. He is leadership personified. Unlike the 'lippy' Maxwell, who runs around with a really annoying scowl on his face, Glass actually can play football really proficiently as well. Cox had to shoulder much of the ruck burden himself, due to NicNat's injury issues and perhaps he showed signs of ageing, but he is still a stalwart.

Unfortunately Father Time has caught up to Kerr, Embley and Selwood. The latter two were given a farewell game against Adelaide. I would like to say it was a fitting tribute to the pair's contribution to the team, but it was a complete schmozzle. Kerr's last game turned out to be against Essendon in boo-gate. I was at both the Adelaide and Essendon games. It was a pleasure and a privilege to see these three champs in their final games for the club. Kerr especially is one of our all-time greats.

Stay tuned for part 2 and 3 of this depressing look at the lows and lows of 2013.