13 Predictions for 2013: No. 9

9. Worst style decision- the Beard or the Pony?

 I’m feeling a little nostalgic about Dr Swift right about now...Anyway, in my mind; nothing surpasses the sheer absurdity of Schofield’s beard. Wellingham made a wrong choice to tie his hair like a horse. But with Schofield, it’s a long-term plan to grow, cultivate and promote the mass of hair spouting from his chin. I predict that by Round 3 a group of restless fans will band together and form a campaign to rid our side of the beard’s tormenting spirit. They’ll write a letter and it will go a little something like this...

There's a man underneath all that hair somewhere

Dear Mr Schofield,

It has come to our attention, loyal Eagles fans and fashion aficionados, that you’re beard is in such a state of disrepair, owing to either your negligence or some misguided sense of style, that it is causing us great emotional anguish. There has even been rumours, unsubstantiated mind you, that members will boycott home games, in order to avoid any potential danger from the undoubtedly numerous crawling critters and rambunctious rodents inhabiting your face. We also have concerns over the effect the beard is having on your level of play. There have been multiple instances, with your head over the ball, of you being pulled down by the weight of the thing.

We have sent you a complimentary set of sheep sheers. Please do what is right and necessary.

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Season Predictions: 13 for 2013, Part 1.

To get you in the mood...

I'm falling for the same trap I did last year: 13 predictions for 2013. Madness, I know. I'm setting myself up for a monumental task 20 years from now...

13. The Best new recruit will be...

Not including draft picks, as I couldn’t pretend to know anything about them, there are many established new additions to choose from. Two Melbourne drop-outs in Bennell and Cale Morton, Saints youngster Jamie Cripps and the more high profile Sharrod Wellingham. They’re all potentially handy acquisitions, but you can’t go past Wellingham. He was recruited to add some steel (nearly typed steele there, damn you Sidebottom!) (premiership) experience and depth to a rather limited midfield. Trampolines and pony tails aside, once all settles down, there’s no reason to suggest he won’t do just that. Of course, as an established AFL midfielder the pressure is on him to perform at a high level once he returns. There’s no such pressure on Morton (early season nickname suggestion: Mor(e)ton Bay Fig?), Bennell and Cripps who are all low-risk, high reward recruits.

12. We’ll miss you...

I prefer to look forward than back (that’s a lie) and I don’t bear any ill feelings towards departed Eagles (massive lie), but we did lose a few players in the off-season; Lynch, Stevens, Stevenson and Swift, M.D.  Honestly, out of all of these I’ll personally miss Tom Swift the most. With his erratic kicking, weird deer like running style and bizarre hairstyles, he reminded me of a lot of myself.  Plus, he was such a polarising figure amongst fans that it was always fun blogging about him. More to the point though, in terms of actual ‘football’ I think we’ll miss no-one. Stevens and Stevenson are guys who never fulfilled their alleged potential. Lynch meanwhile was a player who clearly had reached a point where he was a cusp member of the team and he was unwilling to fight for his position. I’m grateful that he helped us win the 06 flag, but he’s past his best and now we’re past him.

His hair had a mind of his own as, unfortunately, did his right foot.

11. Best Old Man...

Old in the football sense, that is. Glass, Kerr, Cox, Embley and Adam Selwood are all battle-hardened veterans, but whereas the latter two seemed to struggle a little last season (injury and form), the first 3 flourished. The Kerr-surgence was particularly heart-warming after a few very dismal years of snaps, both of muscles and brain. But I think Glass will be the best old man as he’s still the glue holding our defence together, our leader and captain. The early Cox injury is a little disconcerting, but he has shown an amazing ability to play through injuries. I love that guy. Infact, I love all these guys, Selwood not withstanding (sorry Selly). At least I'm over the Embley toe poke, nearly definitely.

Stay tuned as the countdown will continue...make sure you don't miss it by liking and following the blog.

Until then, why not check out last season's predictions. Hilarious.